My Apologies....

I feel like I should start this off with an apology for the radio silence! Things have been incredibly hectic lately. I know, it's no excuse for leaving you in the dark for the last almost 2 months! So.... Let's get to the updates....

I survived (barely) my first Clomid cycle. Let me tell you, it was no picnic. Especially for my poor husband. I'm pretty sure he didn't know what to think of me. I didn't have the physical side effects that I've heard so much about, but man.... the emotional side was a trip! I cried at everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. Let's get something straight here- I am NOT a crier. Well, unless it's 4 am and I've had several drinks. Then, you can probably get tears out of me. But Clomid turned me into a blubbering heap. I even cried at Super Bowl commercials. In my defense, the Budweiser commercial with the horse was pretty sad. If you didn't at least tear up to that one, you have no soul. Anyway, so I go through the cycle crying and bitching and being completely out of control of my emotions. And guess what? NO BABY. Sheesh. You mean I have to do this again?! Ugh. I guess it was a good thing (if that's even possible) that there wasn't a pregnancy, because I had to get a second varicella (chickenpox) vaccine for nursing school. Which meant that I had to wait a month before we could try again. So, we're at that point, and I went to the RE today, and start Clomid tonight! My poor husband. Let's hope he survives this round. I did buy him a book (at the suggestion of a friend). "What He Can Expect When She's Not Expecting." I will tell you that it is incredibly good advice. My husband said that it put things in perspective for him. If you and your significant other are at each other's throats over TTC, I highly recommend it. I read it myself, and I honestly enjoyed it. I learned a couple of things, too. So, that's where we are as of right now.... I will try to update after my appointment next week.

Wait, there's more, you say? Of course there is! Since my last update, we got a puppy! His name is Coco, we call him Glen Coco (think Mean Girls). He is a Chihuahua, but not the yappy kind. At least not yet. So far, he sleeps and poops and follows me around the house. He's my shadow. I LOVE him. I think he's exactly what we were missing. I also have been insanely busy with school. It's overwhelming at times, but I love it. I know that I'm working hard to make a great life for my family. Even if I do want to quit every other day.  ;) So NOW I think I've updated you on everything. Stay tuned, and keep the good baby juju thoughts flowing!

The Good News.... And to Hoping it's Always Good News

The appointment at the RE today went better than we had expected. Faster, too. We went in for the ultrasound accosting, and I had some questions about the trigger. The nurse said that she'd show us how to do it, but it was probably too early to trigger today. The doc then came in to do his duty.... He said that my lining looked good, and that I had two follicles measuring 17 & 19!! He said that I could go ahead and trigger right then and there! He said that I responded well to the Clomid. Way to be overachievers, ovaries! So.... We have strict 'family time' instructions (the husband was as far from disappointed as he could get), and I take a pregnancy test in 2 weeks. Now, I just need to fight the urge to think about it, take eleventy pregnancy tests, and learn to relax in the next two weeks. Hahahaha!

So if you try to contact us in the next couple of days and we don't answer, it's safe to say that you already know what we're up to.  :)

I'll probably update in a few days, since I've heard that I might feel like crap or have moments of insanity. I definitely took a ride on the Clomid crazy train there for a few days. Wow- I cried at just about anything for 2 days straight. And then I watched Patch Adams. Not my brightest idea. Hopefully I've learned my lesson.

Keep those good thoughts a-comin'!!

Change of Plans

For those of you that are on my Facebook, you probably already know this information, but for everyone else, here's an update!

Before I ever went to the RE appointment, my referring doctor wrote a prescription for Clomid. I was going to take it when I got a period. Well, that didn't happen until the day of the RE appointment (97  So if you read my last post, you know that we didn't have the greatest weekend in this house. No worries, though- we're back to flowers and rainbows (or glitter and unicorns as I like to say). Anyway, the Clomid in our house has been calling me. It's saying crazy things like, "Aaaaaassssssshhhhhhhllllleeeeiiiiiggggghhhhhh.... Psst.... Hey. I'm right here. Don't you wanna take me? C'mon, let's make a baby!" Now I don't know if you know this, but Clomid is an obnoxious little bitch! I finally succumbed to the calls, and contacted my RE's office. They wanted to see what my Ovarian Reserve said and also my husband's sperm analysis. It turns out that my ovaries are healthier than expected for my age, and my hubby's swimmers are good! Sooooooo.... Yeah. I started Clomid on Tuesday. We're going to try a Clomid/intercourse cycle and see what happens. We have another appointment on Tuesday for a monitoring ultrasound, and to see if I'm ready to trigger!

So far, I haven't had any nasty side effects that I've been hearing about. I hope it stays that way. And of course I hope this works. Wouldn't that be something?

Keep that good baby juju coming!! I'll let you know what happens on Tuesday!

Appointment Update (and some other unsavory thoughts)

Well, we had our first appointment with the fertility specialist yesterday.... He seemed pretty nice, and the office staff was very informative. What, that's not what you wanted to hear? You want to down and dirty details? Ok, ok.... Here ya go:

First of all, after 96 days since my last period, AF decided to show up in the middle of my nursing lab. Well played. Maybe it was just because it had been so long and I had forgotten, but DAMN those cramps! So we got to the office and met with the nurse who walked us through what would happen. I then met with the doctor who asked me all kinds of questions. By the end of the chat he got enough information that we probably should never look each other in the eyes again. Then we went back into the exam room where I was to be accosted with the ultrasound wand. That's right- period, cramps, guy prodding you with a dildo cam.... FANtastic. I was slightly impressed that the doctor did the ultrasound himself. I was unaware that they even knew how to turn the machine on! So he's looking around and says that my right ovary is weak, and my left one is fine. He said he liked the left one. Well, my right one isn't too fond of you either, buddy. After the ultrasound, we went back into the doctor's office to have another chat. He said that I can do one of two things, but he is taking into consideration that the craptacular insurance I have covers nothing, so he is trying to maximize our results. I can do a Clomid/IUI combo, but he says that carries about a 20% chance of pregnancy. He also seems to think that all of the strips I've been peeing on are incorrect. he said that my labs show that I have in fact ovulated. Huh. Maybe I don't know how to read 2 lines. So basically, the Clomid/IUI would be more for someone who is not ovulating to get the ovaries stimulated. The other (and way more expensive option) is IVF. IVF carries about a 50-60% chance of pregnancy. I'm not too keen on the rest of this though. It's around $15,000 (IUI is around $2000 for the first attempt and gets cheaper the more you do it), and requires invasive procedures and anesthesia. We ended the appointment with an order for some (MORE) blood work for me, and a cup for Jody. We're supposed to have this done by our next visit on the 29th. I immediately went to the lab to get stabbed. The cup is still in the backseat of the car. This is where my day went from bad to worse. There was an argument about obtaining said sperm sample. I now feel like a worthless person because I just don't have it in me to obtain it. Things were said, I cried (and still will at the drop of a hat). I don't know what I want to do at this point. I don't want my marriage to fall apart because of the financial situation or because I don't see how I need to be the one to get a sperm sample. I can't help feeling like I got the short end of the stick on this one- but at the same time I can't help feeling guilty because I feel this way. It's ridiculous and I hate it all. To top it all off, I was so absorbed in what had happened, and upset enough that I completely forgot to take an online quiz for nursing school. So now I am even more depressed and disappointed in myself. I can't even focus on the things that I have to get done that are right in front of me. Maybe I need to take a step back from this babymaking thing and focus on things one at a time. Clearly I am unable to multitask. Ugh. So, I guess I'll wait and see what happens by my next appointment. Stay tuned! It's edge of your seat entertainment, I know....

Rambling

Hey, all! I realize that I haven't exactly been good about keeping things up around here. Well, that's because not a whole lot has been going on. I'm on cycle day 86, still no stupid period. I went to the doctor last week, and they did some blood work, but essentially told me I have to wait. Wait is not in my vocabulary. Neither is patience. But I guess willing Aunt Flo to show up isn't working, so I guess I do have to suck it up and wait. Ugh. I have an appointment with the fertility specialist on the 17th, so hopefully I get some answers there.

The holidays were crazy and fun, but 2013 isn't starting out the greatest. I'm hoping for that to change- and that's all I can do is hope, right? Wish me luck. I'm starting to go crazy over here. I curse my non-functioning lady parts daily. I have friends that are going through much rougher things right now, so I feel bad bitching about not having a period, but I'm still mad. So.... Here's to 2013. I hope it improves, and that I don't have to wait much longer.