Friday, January 18, 2013

Appointment Update (and some other unsavory thoughts)

Well, we had our first appointment with the fertility specialist yesterday.... He seemed pretty nice, and the office staff was very informative. What, that's not what you wanted to hear? You want to down and dirty details? Ok, ok.... Here ya go:

First of all, after 96 days since my last period, AF decided to show up in the middle of my nursing lab. Well played. Maybe it was just because it had been so long and I had forgotten, but DAMN those cramps! So we got to the office and met with the nurse who walked us through what would happen. I then met with the doctor who asked me all kinds of questions. By the end of the chat he got enough information that we probably should never look each other in the eyes again. Then we went back into the exam room where I was to be accosted with the ultrasound wand. That's right- period, cramps, guy prodding you with a dildo cam.... FANtastic. I was slightly impressed that the doctor did the ultrasound himself. I was unaware that they even knew how to turn the machine on! So he's looking around and says that my right ovary is weak, and my left one is fine. He said he liked the left one. Well, my right one isn't too fond of you either, buddy. After the ultrasound, we went back into the doctor's office to have another chat. He said that I can do one of two things, but he is taking into consideration that the craptacular insurance I have covers nothing, so he is trying to maximize our results. I can do a Clomid/IUI combo, but he says that carries about a 20% chance of pregnancy. He also seems to think that all of the strips I've been peeing on are incorrect. he said that my labs show that I have in fact ovulated. Huh. Maybe I don't know how to read 2 lines. So basically, the Clomid/IUI would be more for someone who is not ovulating to get the ovaries stimulated. The other (and way more expensive option) is IVF. IVF carries about a 50-60% chance of pregnancy. I'm not too keen on the rest of this though. It's around $15,000 (IUI is around $2000 for the first attempt and gets cheaper the more you do it), and requires invasive procedures and anesthesia. We ended the appointment with an order for some (MORE) blood work for me, and a cup for Jody. We're supposed to have this done by our next visit on the 29th. I immediately went to the lab to get stabbed. The cup is still in the backseat of the car. This is where my day went from bad to worse. There was an argument about obtaining said sperm sample. I now feel like a worthless person because I just don't have it in me to obtain it. Things were said, I cried (and still will at the drop of a hat). I don't know what I want to do at this point. I don't want my marriage to fall apart because of the financial situation or because I don't see how I need to be the one to get a sperm sample. I can't help feeling like I got the short end of the stick on this one- but at the same time I can't help feeling guilty because I feel this way. It's ridiculous and I hate it all. To top it all off, I was so absorbed in what had happened, and upset enough that I completely forgot to take an online quiz for nursing school. So now I am even more depressed and disappointed in myself. I can't even focus on the things that I have to get done that are right in front of me. Maybe I need to take a step back from this babymaking thing and focus on things one at a time. Clearly I am unable to multitask. Ugh. So, I guess I'll wait and see what happens by my next appointment. Stay tuned! It's edge of your seat entertainment, I know....

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